I’ve written a literary memoir about trying to become a mother. My journey to parenthood was fraught with three devastating diagnoses, each more unlikely than the last: first, miscarriage (one in four pregnancies ends this way); then, infertility (which affects one in eight couples in the U.S.); and then learning that genetic children would never be possible (my particular disorder is so rare that there are only 50 known families worldwide who have it).
In March 2013, while still pregnant with the little baby I knew I would soon miscarry, I started blogging. What started as a means to process the bewilderment of losing my first pregnancy became a lifeline far bigger than I could have imagined: I wrote my way through the grief of miscarriage, the shame of infertility, and the shocking genetic diagnosis that led my husband and I to choose egg donation.
On Fecund Thought is based on my blog by the same name, but there is a fundamental difference between the two bodies of work: when I wrote my blog, I put myself first; with my memoir, I put the reader first. I’ve whittled down a 300,000-word blog into a 92,740-word first draft of a book. I’ve crafted a narrative that takes the reader from miscarriage to infertility to egg donation to motherhood, with vignettes from other periods in my life woven throughout.